One Step at a Time... ...

whoops!!

2012-02-19T11:15:00.002+08:00

see the pic below??

chio right?? cool right?? ahahaha...that was my sis...and here i am...wanting to do scene girl make up just like her...but end up failed...instead...i think i was in a total different style...lol...anyways...do enjoy the pics... :D

somehow i like this pic...like magazine cover...lol...hahaha...i'm so vain... :)

i also like this pic...lololol... :D

trying to show my lippie...lol...

introducing...my TOKIDOKI brushes...

i love them cz they're cute...lol...doesnt seem to suit me huh...lol...

the before-and-after effect...ahaha...lol...

ah~~after a clean aftermath...lol...

so...yea...that's all for today...yes...i am vain...lol...bye bye and God bless... :DD

a letter...

2012-02-15T05:07:00.000+08:00

Dear Sarah,

many misses and kisses from me to you...i guess i dont need to ask how are you cz i can read from your blog...and i guess you dont need to ask how am i cz you can see from my fb though i hardly update it...and besides i am just a boring person with an interesting life...so yea...all formals put aside, i just want to say...

I DO MISS YOU...

i dont know why, but when i read your blog...sometimes i do wonder...how nice it is to be able to write like you...cz when i write...most of the times i write of sad and emo stuffs...lol...but...yea...anyway..this is just a letter to you...whether you read it or not...i will never know...til the day i see you...i might never know...

do you know...if i were ever given a choice...i will never want to change anything between me and you...i will never want to swap anyone else with you...that is how important you are to me...sometimes when i never talk to you...it's because i dont want my mood to disturb you...sometimes when i distance myself from you...it's because i dont want to hurt you with my unintentional words...sometimes when i only talk to the rest and not you...it's because i prefer talking to you face to face and not via messages...that's how i am...

you know something? i'm just like that to jia min and chloe too...i dont really find them via msn or fb or whatever...but i do check out their fb every now and then...they are very close to me...and because they are very close to me...i want to appreciate my time with them when i see them and not just through social networks...and i hope that you'd understand that too...i dont find daniel often and i certainly dont find michael...it all because all of you are the loves of my life...you are as precious to me as any of the rest...

i am actually thankful to God for putting me and you together...because throughout our time growing up...i've learnt a lot from you...i've learn how to be patient...learn how to be generous...learn how to forgive and forget...learn how to be kind to others...learn how to be understanding...learn to have compassion...learn how to think like a girl...learn to love and appreciate cute things...learn to smile genuinely...

you are just as good as you are...

lastly...i just want to say i dont know why am i writing this but i just felt like writing to you...so...yea...i do miss you and daniel and gor and dolly and coco and my friends back in msia...i just dont voice it out...that's why...err...i guess i'd end here ba...dont forget...God make sisters for a reason...

miss me... =P

18/12/11

2011-12-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

and so the year of 2011 is about to end and 2012 is about to come...lol...i'm quite excited...and thankful to God for everything...lol...so...yea...below are just pics from random time and places...lol...

gifts from friends and family... =D

my lil' bro daniel... =]

church friends... =]

creative or what?!!

sis and i... =D

oh...heh..few days ago...i was a half-failed scene-girl-wanabe...lol...

chiao~ : ]

syok sendiri...lol...

2011-11-24T00:29:00.000+08:00

so i was kinda feeling vain...so i decided to take pics...of myself...lol...

ok...so...yeah...ciao~~ =]

DO YOU HATE GOD?

2011-11-17T03:58:00.000+08:00

do you? i know i dont...i just tend to disappoint Him in one way or another...all the time...but do you hate God? somehow...lots of people...kinda...hates God...

people hate God for what's happening in the world...war...famine...flood...death...they dont hate God for allowing these things to happen...they just hate God...for not stopping it...i mean...if you claim to be god...you'd know what's going to happen right? you have a plan...yes we all know that...but why this plan?why cant it be a plan of beautiful things...of peace and love like what we all know would be a better place for everyone...instead...why war? why suffering? why unhappiness? if you know ugly things will happen...will you not stop them?

i guess that's why people hate God...i guess that's why some people pitied the devil...cz the devil was created by God though it was never His intention for the devil...to become the devil...but still...God can stop it from happening...cant He? who knows...some people might debate that it has ALWAYS been God's plan for the fallen angel to become the devil...to be the total opposite from God...so that He can look good...sound good...the God of love while the devil is branded with everything bad and evil...

but then again wait...what about the promise of God to give each and everyone of us a free will? if we as mere human beings with no special value except that we were craft out of God's image has a free will...dont you think angels and other more divine beings should have more free wills than any of us all? if we make a choice...isn't it natural that God would respect the choice we make and not stop it though it might not be a good choice?

i do wonder...if God really stops everything bad and evil from happening...can we claim to have our free will to choose? i mean...since most of the bad things were done and created by none other than...well...us truly...and i mean us humans...if God were to only have peace and love in this world...the perfect world anyone can dream of...with no sufferings nor war...will we be able to understand and appreciate love and peace? why do we even know the word love? peace? beautiful? lovely?

if there's no ugly...will there be beautiful? if there's no war...will we know peace? if there's no death...will there be life? if no one opposes love...will we see love? if satan does not exist...will we still believe in the existence of God?

who knows...maybe some people are right...maybe God purposely let lucifer become the fallen angel...become the devil...maybe He did this to make Himself look good...but...even if it's true...i guess...i'd still love Him...not because i like the bad things that's happening all over the world...or that i'm some holy saint who's so devoted to my religion that i dont care what kind of God i'm worshiping...please...i'm not some clean holy saint who has done no wrong to other people...i'm as filthy...i'd say...it's just that...i'd love Him for whatever plan He's got...for not stopping war...or famine ...or any other kind of suffering people hates...

because that's how we learn the true meaning of love and peace...dont you agree?

green?

2011-11-09T23:20:00.000+08:00

so my sis bought a pair of green contact lenses and well...what else to do but try it out right? =)

so...yea...do enjoy... =]...

not bad i guess...eh? =]

ciao...God bless... =)

11/10/11

2011-10-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

You were here when we were born...but we weren't there when you were born...you can understand our situation...but we cant understand your situation...yet...why do we still need to put ourselves in your time when we weren't even there at all? shouldn't it be the opposite?

a creepy question:

have anyone experience this...you were asleep...suddenly you felt something is in your blanket and you tried to move but cant...and you realized something is there and not right...just when you thought you're the only one who is experiencing this...your heard your siblings or loved ones started to say they too felt something is not right...they scream...and you screamed too...

but the next day when you woke up...you ask your siblings or loved ones if they heard you shouting...they said no...they dint hear you shouting...

am i nuts to feel why my "dream" can be so real????!!

yo~!

2011-10-10T22:26:00.001+08:00

yikes...you know...doing a video is really no kidding...i mean...it's not as easy as one thinks...lol... ==''' ...anyway...went out with two of my close friends and i wanted to try out yellow colored eye-shadow...heh...and well...not so many pics though...lol...but do enjoy... =)

i like my ring...heh...lol.. =P

God bless...ciao~! =]

LALALA~

2011-10-01T16:02:00.000+08:00

i was like watching lots of beauty gurus on youtube and i wondered how long it takes to do a video bout make up...and so...i decided to do one myself...lol...

but what sort of make up video i should do? decided then to do a simple make up for school...lol...cz well...in m'sia...there are lots of girls who are quite vain...i'm one of them...lol...but i dont see any make up that's err...applicable for high school girls here...cz well...the schools here are...not quite a fan of make up for students...lol...so..well...hope you enjoyed... =]

p/s: btw...i've already graduated...so...yea...the colour on my hair is a totally nono for school...lol...it's also ok for and everyday simple look if you're not really a fan of eyeshadows...lol...

God bless~!! =]

bye~ :)

baby dont cry~~

2011-09-22T13:27:00.000+08:00

ahh~i love this song... : D

nice right? = ) i like BIGBANG all this while...lol...

enjoy~!

21/9/11

2011-09-21T15:30:00.000+08:00

few days ago...went out with mom and sis and err...i realized...it's been a long time since i had any proper meal...@@...lol...

i dont know what's wrong with the pic...lol... ==

and then last sunday...we did a musical again... =] and sis went nuts with pics...lol...not many though...do enjoy... =]

ciao~! =)

p/s: i'm trying to do something...do stay with me...heh... =P

stalked... =P

2011-08-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

went to get my hair trimmed last week...and got "stalked"...lol...from sis actually...lol... =]

oh the ones above are before the trimmed hair...the ones below are after..heh... =]

so that's all peeps...

chiao~ ! :P

cutie~

2011-07-29T12:48:00.000+08:00

adopted another lovely puppy...COCO... =]

a friend's birthday was in july...and since i dint know what present to give...i decided to DIY something...what you think?? =]

PEACE yeo~!

anyway...life's been just round and about...so...nothing much...heh...

chiao~!!

chang chang~!!

2011-07-01T13:02:00.000+08:00

one of the reason i hate coming out to online... T___T ...lazy...lol...had practice for "prodigal" the other day...and...well...pictures with my sis... =D

we're in choir...lol.... =DD

PEACE OUT!!

tried emo look...ok...not so emo...

with my youngest bro~daniel... :)

see the before and after?? =P

ah...and last night...went to "market hall" for dinner...NICE~ =)

my market burger... :D

tada~!!

i forgot to tell the waiter i wanted medium rare instead of medium well...but well...it's still delicious anyway...heh... =P btw...it was my treat kay...lol...

anyway...yes...i am very perasan...God bless...cheers~!!

3/6/11

2011-06-03T14:54:00.002+08:00

had been so busy with work and church lately...wonder what's happened here during my absence...lol...anyway just two months ago...

me and mom...hahaha...lol...

and a month ago~

TADA~!!!

yea...i've chopped my hair...that's all folks...God bless... =]

back to school~

2011-04-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

so it was sister's appreciation night...and the theme was "Back To School"...which means the girls have to wera their uniforms to the event...and "old" graduates like me...well...let's just say i've to think of other uniform alternatives...anyway...M'sia's uniforms arent that nice...so...err...enjoy~ =]

left: me right: carmen

left: kitty right: carmen

left: i dont know her name middle: joshua right: kitty

you know us =]

left: danica right: stephanie

from left: melanie, joey, rebecca, sarah, stephanie

ah...after that when we went home...i turned into my perasan mood again...and sarah [my sis] kinda...took few shots of me...

a note: these are not by professionals...lol...just some very self-absorb pics...lol...enjot anyway...

oh...the below are by me~ :D

the ear-piece i was wearing...was personally DIY myself...muahahahahaha...i think i'm kinda having more and more of DIY stuffs eh...lol...

i kinda like it... =] anyway..that's all people...God bless...BYE~~!

8/4/11

2011-04-08T17:14:00.000+08:00

shocked le see my face like this...lol... XP

so it was a day when i had a date with a close friend of mine... =] and as usual...i'm very perasan....[though i was not good with the cam that day...i dont know why...lol...] not many pics though...

the date-tatiana =]

i dont even know what i was doing...lol...

left:"before" right:"after"...lol...

aish...that's why women love cosmetics...lol...

ah...the ear-piece i bought...before i berdazzeled kan it...lol...

and after i blinged it...

TA-DA~!!! =D

that's all...bye~!

the randomness among the random post~

2011-04-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

yea...i've no other pics for now...lol...sry...

the sad thing about not having any internet at home...is that you dont get to online...lol....ok...not to say i dont have any...but due to some circumstances...i CANT ONLINE at home... T___________T ...aish....but the good thing is...i can still online... =D ...outside... =___='''

and so...i've decided...to come out of my "comfort zone" to TS to online...(where else can i online right? =]) anyway...i dint really get to take any self-loved-pics of myself...and anyway today i'm kinda too ugly to be seen in pictures...lol...yes yes...i'm very perasan...i have pride...lol... =P

anyway...i was looking through my folders in my laptop when i came across some pictures which were...CUTE!! (i've no idea how were they in those folders...lol...must be from sis...hah... ) lol...here are them...aha~~

cute eh? =] oh...i just remembered...these pics memang from my sis...lol...had an event last sat at church..."brother's appreciation night"...the theme-formal + hats...my fav...cz can style myself up...muahahahaha...these are the pics...not many of them though...enjoy...

left:sis mid:me :D right:carmen

left:nicole right:you-know-who... :D

the other pics can be viewed at my facebook...lol...i dont know how to grab those pics from fb now... =/ ...I CANT KEEP UP WITH TECH!! lol...erm...errr...ok...God bless...bye... =D

p/s: lame line...I LOVE BIG BANG... :DDD

PEACE OUT YO~!! :)

rainbow mood~!

2011-03-30T16:14:00.001+08:00

so today i was in such a mood that i felt like colouring myself in rainbow colors [red,orange,yellow,green,blue,violet(i think it's called violet in engliah??),purple]...i mean since i;m going out anyway...and i kinda tagged sarah [my sis] along as her class starts only at 5.30pm...lol...

anyway...she dint want any pics of her taken...so i was left syoking myself with the following pictures...lol...

see how clean i ate?!wahahahahaha...yes...i'm very perasan...lol...

i wanted to show my rainbow colored eye-shadows...lol...lame i know...hah... =P

PEACE people... =]

aha~!

2011-03-23T14:25:00.002+08:00

hah...so the other day i was like playing some make up with my sister...and daniel[my younger bro] kinda helped us with our dressing up...lol...

many people dont know that i actually enjoy dressing up...lol...and with uni/college life, its always so hard to find time to play with these stuffs...hah...anyway...now that i've finished my diploma [waiting for results though...lol]...i think i can afford to experiment with dressing up... (^v^)v

anyway...we were just playing...so there's no so-called-professionalism in these shots...just...enjoy?? =]

left-sarah right-me :D [i know i know...i'm not thin]

yes yes...i syok sendiri...lol...

sarah's posing for daniel...lol...kan i said we were just playing...lol... =]

kiss my ring babe~!!

p/s: it's been a LOooooonnNggggGGG time since i last blog...lol...anyway...those are just some SS pics...

BYE~!! =]

10/11/10

2010-11-10T04:18:00.000+08:00

it's like what...3.50am?!i'm sick...yet i'm still not sleeping...aish...there are times when i just feel like this...sad...down...kinda emotional...for dont know what reason...just feel...useless...bad...sad...like i'm back to the past...many a time i've cried out here...but i cant seem to get rid of it...cz getting rid of it...will mean getting rid of myself...is that what i really want??i always wonder...will anyone understands what am i trying to say...cz i sometimes dont even know what am i saying...

people tries to understands me...but the more they try...the more i hide...i've tried to change...tried to open up...stop the act...stop the curtains...stop the different sides...the different personalities...just show it all...show my real self...if i ever had any...show my true emotions...stop being cautious if people...but sometimes...the more you know about people...the more...you tend to hide...at least that's me...the more i try to open up...the more i try to hide...i'm still afraid of letting people to know me...as who i am...what i am...you can call me a psycho...think too much...imagine too much...yea..maybe i am....i always thought so anyway...

what is my true self?i dont know...i only know...i am bad...as in evil-ly bad...if not for God...i dont know what will become of me...i kinda thanked God for making me kinda...stupid??or not...i dont know...i'd rather just stay as i am...people thinks i am mature...that's because...they haven see the inside of me yet...why am i mature??i dont know...deep in me...i have plans...i have ideas...i have bad things going on in my mind...everything bout me...i felt...is destructive...it's as if...i am destructive...i can make destruction...and the worse of it...is i know how...what am i to God...i can never know...i dont even think i deserve to live...why am i even here in the first place??yet to find out...

i know i am special...since i was young...the thing is...i know i am special...but not in a good way...i was bad...i knew too much bad things than the good...people try to make something out of me...but they fail...i guess...only God...can help me...what do i know...one may ask...i'm only 19...i'm just acting smart...as if i know it all...well...i dont expect anyone to believe me or listen to me...it's better if one just treat me as a psycho...but what if i said i knew a lot...as in a lot?who would listen?who would believe?in this world...i...had always felt...alone...no matter how many nice people i meet...i'd still end up...feeling this way...

maybe i was meant to be alone?the nicer the people...the more i'd hurt them...it's...just me...i guess...the more people i meet...the more...i'd have different faces...different personalities...i tend...to just show them...act it out...what's the problem?isnt acting my talent?my gift?but i dont want to act it out...i dont want to be fake...i dont want to do all the things i've done before...i dont want to lie anymore...i dont want to hurt anyone anymore...i just want to be...me...is there any side of me that is still...real??

you might know me...before...but you might be surprise...when you see me...now...i...tend to be...different...cz i am...different...all along...i still find it hard...to fully love...myself...i kinda hate myself...for the abilities of mine...what am i to do??what i am capable of...is destructive...i am...tired of faking...

30/10/10

2010-10-30T14:01:00.000+08:00

you know...it's kinda bored for me actually...during offdays...i;m not really the internet kind of person...so usually when i go online...i wont know what to do after checking my mails...even facebook...i dont know why people say facebook can be addictive...i mean...yea it's nice checking on your friends and viewing pictures and updating stuffs and all...but...after that???i dont know...for me...everytime i go online...the first thing that i'll do when i go into my facebook account is just to check my mails...and then see how's my friends doing...and then...i dont know what else to do with it...lol...no..i dont play their games...

i imagined a lot here...haha...i love imagining stuffs...imagining a lot a lot of what if's... =] ...what if i'm a super pro dancer...what moves i'll do to impress the stage...what if i'm like superman...having super powers...what will i do with them??i like role playing...hahaha...friends who know me well will also know that i love acting...so technically...i'll always be acting...in my head...=]..i'll create a story scene in my head and then start imagine...the story will then go on and on until i'm bored with it...lol...

life in the kitchen was fun...well...at least for me...if i were to choose between offdays and work here...i'll choose work...for now though...cz i seriously dont know what to do here...i dont do shopping unless i have to...i dont watch movies cz i'm not particularly attracted to any movies...i cant really hang out cz my friends and my offdays are different...hmm...kinda complicated huh...lol...the only thing that i do most here...is day dream...and day dream...and day dream...which...i enjoy a lot to tell the truth...oh...and i also talked a lot to God...i mean...since He's the only one here with me...lol...=]

recently i kinda looked back at all my old posts...and golly...i realized that...i kinda crabbed a lot back then...like what happened during the day...the words i used...lame stuffs...lol...and pictures...hahaha...yup...to tell the truth i like taking pictures...still does...just that am lazy to post it up cz have to wait...load...lol...and now...the posts...are all...kinda...serious???i dont even know who's reading this...or who will read this blog...i'm just blogging...for the sake of...i also dont know what...lol...yea...i am lame...i always am anyway...just that ppl tend to not see this side of me...lol...

anyway...i also dont know what to type here...so...i guess i'll just stop here...God bless...ciao...[i dont even know who am i ciaoing to...lol...]

19/10/10

2010-10-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

two of my close friends just broke off...with each other...sad huh...well...it wasnt really surprising for me though...just got me to thinking...as usual...

love...quite a word huh...i supposed...personally...i dont really know how to differentiate...or even tell...what love or how love feels like...if you ask me to tell the love for my God and my family...then yes...cz they're kind of a different story eh?!love for a guy...no...i really dont...actually...i'm more towards...the emotionless kind...i dont know...i tend to not have any particular sort of feelings for anything that has nothing or i dont want to have anything to do with me...at least i try not to...

seeing the people around me...the things that happened around them...makes me...not to want to show my true emotions...anyway...just a short thought here...lol...

7/10/10

2010-10-07T17:13:00.000+08:00

how has it been? 2 months plus i guess...since i left home to spore to do my internship?? things are...pretty ok unexpectedly...i mean my life...lol...

i guess i've been growing ever since i came here...i suppose most ppl do when they're out to survive independently??haha...many ppl has always think that coming to spore's my choice...when the fact is...it never really cross my mind...you see...back in uni/college i was given a choice...to do my internship locally...or in spore's restaurant...you must understand that i am trained to work in hotels and not restaurants...so my 1st choice was ultimately msia-hard rock hotel in penang, 5 star hotel...cz at that time i was thinking...i can come to spore anytime after i graduate...and if i dont know my country well...what's the point going overseas and be laugh at if someone ask me bout my country?i kinda prayed before i fill in the forms to choose our place...

ironically, penang doesnt offer anything...meaning there will be no accommodation, no food provided, and no allowance...HOW AM I TO SURVIVE?!! and at that time we have to pass up our forms soon...so when nana asked me want to go spore with her cz she wanted to go spore to do her internship...i kinda said ok...cz i was running out of time to decide where to do my internship cz i dont want to do in KL...i guessed...it got to do with God...lol...cz after submitting our forms...i kinda got the feeling i might be really getting spore...cz we have to put 3 choices and have to go through an interview...and if we dont get our first choice...then we'll have to go through another interview of our 2nd choice...which...i kinda simply put other place...one is hilton hotel and the other's a french restaurant...lol...so chin chai right??

and why i said i got a feeling i might be getting spore's cz well...i'm not trying to boast here...just that i'm trying to explain...cz when me and nana won the salmon cooking competition at the beginning of the year, there was this spore food magazine who wanted to interview us and we have to fly to spore to do some cooking for some photoshooting and also interview, which...ended quite fast...haha...and so we kinda decided to take a look at the restaurant where we'll be doing our internship at if we get to pass it...and surprisingly we met the FnB manager there..and had a small talk...well...he was the one who approached us cz at that time we were wearing our uni/college tshirt...so he was kinda excited to see some students from berjaya...he thought we sengaja went there to check out the place...lol...

so...yea...and when it was time for the interview...i was surprised cz we will be interviewed by the very same FnB manager we met before...lol...and my lecturer told us that secretly he likes both of us so our chances were quite high...lol...you tell me...all these coincidence...if not God...who else?! of course i prayed before going for the interview...i was a bit freaked out that time...cz i wasnt really ready for anything...lol...but thank God... =) ...and yea...so now i'm here...doing my 5 months internship...

if one would ask me how's it...my answer would be...ok...i'm not good at talking and discussing this kind of stuffs...cz the question's...let's just say kinda general to me??well...actually...while many would think that i'm having a blast of my time here...truth is...i'm actually not...in fact...i am learning...like...LITERALLY learning every single day?! talk about loneliness...sadness...stressness...homesickness...i do feel all these...and am learning to cope with it [well...not so much of the homesickness though...lol...]...if one would say he/she is lonely...well...imagine having to live in a place where it isnt yours...without any privacy cz you have to share the room with 4 more girls where one is from china and the others are philipinos...and all of them are like in their 20's and are always back later than you especially when your off days are on weekdays and theirs are on weekends...or if one would say he/she have no one to talk to...well...imagine me...all my friends live in different places...and our off days are different...when i'm sad i cant call my family cz phone's expensive...i cant find my friends cz they're working...i cant find my roommates cz they're working and i'm not close with them...i cant find my colleagues cz i'm not close to them...i cant find my chefs cz they're very busy ppl...and they're guys which sometimes...some topics are better remain within the same gender...lol...if one would say he/she is stress...then imagine having to work under the pressure of the expectations of the chefs...especially the executive chef who has very high hopes and expectations of you...or the sous chefs...who tries teaching you everything they know and expects you to remember them...or the different techniques different chefs teaches you just to make one SAME dish and expects you to follow their style and not the other chef's style...

now you get what i mean??hey...i'm not complaining here...i'm just saying...i've to learn how to cope with it here...and if not because of God...i think i'll break...lol...cz though i may sound i'm sad,lonely,depress,stress out here...fact is...i am not...cz i have God... =) ...at least i know i have God to talk to...i have God to depend on...yea...i've doubt myself many times...of the choice i made...i mean...my sifu...which is the chef de parte[position after sous chef...]once said:"well...some ppl are born to cook" of course he meant himself that time...lol...but it got me to thinking...am i making the right choice choosing this course?i dont think i'm good enough...i think the chefs thought so too...i'm just not good...i'm just another girl who happens to do her internship inside kitchen...i wont be able to make it through...everytime i see how the chefs cook...how familiar they are with the food...how cool the way they handle pressure and present the food...i got scared...i got stress...how come i cant be like them...how come i cant do as well...how come i am ALWAYS making mistakes EVERY SINGLE DAY?!!!!or did God made the wrong choice in putting me in this course??but then God NEVER make mistakes...and well...i learnt and God reminded and assured me...that without God...no matter how hard one tries...his/her hard work will only be in vain...so maybe i am not born to cook...maybe i am really bad...maybe i'm really just wasting my time doing and taking up culinary arts...but at least...at least...i have God to back me up...

so...i am quite assured now...though i may not be as good as them...though i may not be as good as many would expect...but it's because of God...i know i'll be able to make through...i want to be a chef...and after seeing all these chefs...i wanted MORE to become a chef...i want to be as cool as them...hahaha...and anyway...this course memang wasnt from me...i initially wanted to study performing arts...ppl who knows me well will know that i LOVE acting and stuff...it was God who chooses this course for me...and i always believe...that if God were to choose something for His child...definitely He'll see to it that His child make it through and shine for His glory... ^ V ^ if not...why choose something for His child knowing he/she will make a disaster out of it right??

so yea...that's what i've been going through almost every single day...learning to depend on God... =) ...i know a lot of ppl think that i am independent...well...i dont entirely disagree with that...that's why here in spore...i'm learning to depend entirely on God...and i realized how nice it is...to depend on God... =) cz back there in msia...i always felt that i cant depend on anyone...i dont know why...ppl tends to depend on me more than i depend on ppl...but here...i felt that...finally i get to be a 'child' again...depending on God...crying to Him...letting Him do the comforting and not me doing the comforting...letting Him do the planning and not me thinking of the plan...my mom's always telling me:"you can doubt anyone...you can even doubt yourself...but never...NEVER EVER doubt God..." and that's what i'm always telling myself...

i'd always tell myself...i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...and my prayer would be the same...the Jabez prayer...every single day...cz that's the only prayer i know...and the only prayer that is closest to my heart...here in spore...i dont know...i get to have more of my time...compare to the hectic time back in msia...like i said...must be from God...haha...cz you see...back then...i always wanted to have a time of my own...where i dont need to do anything but just laze around...but i never get the chance to...so i guess God brought me here...to rest...as in really rest...physically...mentally...emotionally and spiritually...though i did not go to church here in spore cz my timing is always not right and i've to work on weekends...but i felt so much fuller than before... =) am spending a lot of time with God here...heh...lol...

and the things here...hmm...actually compare to msia...i think here is more affordable...lol...and they have lots of nice sneakers... =D ...but their heels are...err...not so nice...they're either too high...or too low...lol...msia sells nicer heels...lol...and the girls...hmm...they have LOTS of skinny girls with long legs...i felt la...and the guys...most of them go to gym...so they have nice buff up body...their fashion??very seasonal...lol...as in...they really follow the trend of the seasons...not like msia...you go to TS or sungei wang and you can find fashion for all kinds of season...lol...here...if summer means all the guys and girls will dress up in the summer fashion...and that's all...kinda bored i'd say...everywhere you go you see the same kind of fashion...lol...and they wear a lot of flats...no heels...seldom...oh...and one thing...they're APPLE INC. PRODUCTS FREAKS!!!everywhere you go you see ppl using iPhones or iPads...lol...i used to think that iPhones are not bad...now...err...kinda bored...cz it's like...9 out of 10 ppl you see uses an iPhone...and 8 out of 10 ppl you see...owns a blackberry...lol...==''' their social life...well...typical sporians...work like crab throughout the week then by the weekend...BOOM!!!...they go "nuts"...that's why the place i'm working at...always goes "nuts" on weekends...lol...and there's lots of philipinos and whites here...they're just a whole bunch of weird "things" if you'd ask me especially the whites...lol...very queer character...lol...no no...i'm not discriminating or talking bad bout them...i'm just well...giving my opinion...lol...cz seriously i'd say...if you want to live in spore...you got to know how to play their game...it's WAY different than msia... =]

if you ask me whether i like spore better or still msia...i'd say...i'm not the type who can settle in one place for long...so...both countries are nice...depends on how you see it...but i love the ppl i meet here...especially the chefs...i think i'll miss them most after i finish my internship here...lol... =] i learnt a lot from them...not just the practical skills...but the people skills too...so...yea...honestly...i am enjoying my time here...though most of the time...i am learning...hopefully...when i go back...i'd be a different person...as in...more grown up emotionally and spiritually?? do pray for me and...wait for me...i'll be back... =]

14/5/10

2010-06-25T17:34:00.000+08:00

house internet is down...since...months ago?!!reason??i dont know...just cant online...lol...sad case right?lol...anyway...i dint expect myself to suddenly change the template of this blog...change picture some more...and the weird thing is...i did all these..while i'm having class...lol...not that i dint concentrate la...just that that class is mainly for us people who will be going for our internship soon...and our lecturer was talking to those who havent go for their interview...while me and 4 of my other friends have gone through and THANK GOD...WE PASSED!!! =D

parents appreciation night has just ended like just a week ago...handled by me and jeremy...well...i must say...it all kinda went quite well...no credits to me...to God and the rest...lol...basically...i dint really do much there...crab...= =...and...well...i kinda felt...well...after this...what's next??i mean...i kinda felt that...i'm done...i guess i'm just too tired already?? not too tired of serving God or whatsoever...just really...physically and mentally and emotionally tired??i mean...i think i've mentioned before, all these years, i think i've never really have any holidays which lasts more that a month excluding the year end hols...that also i'll be busy doing other stuffs...what church camp la...help out with the kindy things la...bla bla bla...and lately i'm having some serious headache and super dizziness...and i dont know what's wrong with me...lol...

i can only say one thing...i need rest...real rest...rest from all activities besides assignments...and...i think i need to get away from here...i've been seeing things i dont want to see...it's about people...sometimes...i just dont know who is who anymore...not that i dont trust people...and yes...i know no one is perfect...but what i really hate about is that...they think by faking in front of me i wouldnt notice... = =...please...i'm an actress myself and no i am not trying to boast...i'm just telling the facts and crab...if want to hide something from people...dont try to hide it from me cz seriously...i dont really care about other people stuffs as long as it doesnt affect my life...i dont care if you try to tell me one thing but act another...just dont keep assuring me stuffs as if once i found out the truth i'll kill you...i just cant be bothered by all these disgusting nonsense...crab...

i hate it when some people are so afraid that the wold will misunderstand them with their actions but they purposely act out and make people misunderstood even more...and they want to try to deny it and act even more...please...this in not hollywood...to me...those are just very very bad acting...aih...sad...they dont see it that way...and they think they can fool the world...lol...anyway...i'm not really bothered bout it...what really is bothering me...is the fact that there's still so much things to be done before i can officially tell the committee people...that i want to resign from my position...aih...

22/4/10

2010-04-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

the very first time...i saw him "cried"...maybe he di cry...maybe he dint...but it dint matter...what matters most here...is that for the first time in my whole 19 years of living with him...i sense genuine sadness in him...werent he sad before you ask?well...i cant be sure...but one thing i know...i have the same blood in me...that's why i guess that's how...somehow...i have the ability of...faking??

if the sadness before were genuine...then i'd say...i must be blind...it's hard to describe it...it was like the norm...you know...when people are sad...their expressions...sunken face...swollen watery eyes...red nose...and when they talk...the voice usually will be unusually soft and gentle...it's like they dont want you to realise or notice they've just cried?but then...he was always like this before...not cry la...but the expressions...is just that this time...i kinda sense something else in him...there was...loneliness...sadness...and quietness in him...which i dont see or feel before...and just at that moment...he reminds me of...my brother...when he' sad...

is he for real?if not i must say...he's really a good actor...is he feeling regret?is he feeling sorry for what he did?is he sad realising we wont be on his side...ever?whatever it is...i guess...only he and God knows...i kinda feel sorry for him...it's like...my pithiness is greater than my love for him...sad...it is really a sad case...should i say God bless?when things are so...depressing?so...negative??

o God i pray...please help us...i really want to get out of here...and get my mom out of here...is time for her to rest...isnt it?in my mind...she has had enough...when will it be over?when will it end?i can see...she is tired...God...please do give her rest...let us take over whatever God wants her to do...or not...give her strength...and assured her...that God is with her...always...Amen.

1/4/10

2010-04-01T23:46:00.001+08:00

and tada~~here am i...back at this kinda-long-time-no-see blog...lol...oh yes...i'm still more active in my wordpress...reason?cz i just put pics there more than i write...reason?cz it's easier for me...and i'm lazy to think of what to write...lol...lame i know...anyway...i dont know why am i writing here also...i've bought myself a new diary...hahahahahaha~ so i can actually write my thoughts in my diary...but why here?!

i dont know...just feel like doing so...lol...the last time i blogged here...hmm...kinda sounds emo...lol...and now...kinda sounds...lame?boring?crab???oh golly...i dont even know myself...lol...anyway...it's been like what?2 months since i blog here...so...i find it quite an achievement cz it means i'm getting more regular here...lol~ =)

actually compare to last year...this few months...things have not been as bad...so it was still ok...my 4th semester's gonna end like what?2 more weeks?and two weeks after that...5th semester...and then few months later...internship...and few months later...come back for my last semester...and few months later...graduate...time's evolving...should we too?

but still...i kinda find that just within these few months...i've been facing lots of challenges...new challenges to be exact...

1. i'm learning to let go...of things...last year i almost "died" of stress...breakdown la actually...not die...i wont die so easily d...lol...well..i did not broke down...i almost broke down...lol...cz of so many things happening just within one year...
2.i'm learning to be an example for the younger ones...i used to admire those older than me who are leaders in church...cz they seem so...cool and...knowledgeable...and how i used to wish i could be like them...and now...i'm one of the committee member in to2ugh and man...how not easy it is to be one... D': as in a good example for the younger ones...i'm not perfect see...lol...
3.i'm facing a challenge...how to communicate with people...lol...many people thinks i can blend in with people...they think i'm a people person...unfortunately...i am not...and now...all of a sudden...i realized i'm faced with this challenge...cz sadly i'm the VP of PR(WTC?!!)in my uni/college student council....aih...and it's my job to approach the younger ones...lol...
4.i'm faced with one of the toughest challenge ever...relationship...i realized...sadly...i am never good at handling this kind thing...lol...and ironically...i am always the one giving advices and suggestions to my friends who are in a relationship...talk bout putting myself in their shoes eh?==...but it's true...i am not good at handling it myself...lol...and i found out something sad in my case...and that is...i found out that guys whom i like...when i dint tell them they'll confess to me telling they like me...but when i tell them i like them too...somehow...they'd just change...no more feelings no nothing...AFTER i told them AFTER they told me...sounds sad yet funny right?but that's what happened to me... =( twice...both on the same date somemore...(is this some kind of bad luck day though i dont believe in luck for me??)man...and i thought i've had one very sad history...now add one more to it...same day somemore...LAGI kesian...double somemore...aiyo...and ironically...this one...is both sad...yet super weird and funny...lol...
5.my life with God...i really do want to concentrate on God...especially after that sad but funny case...but then you know la...my life is forever so busy and tiring one...aih...i really am trying...i AM TRYING...no...i wont give up...lol....
6.myself??i've once blogged that i am not what people think i am and yes...i am still facing that challenge...just that it's on a whole new level...before...i was challenge regarding my true self and my fake self...this time...i am challenged whether to expose my true self or not...and also my destiny...why am i on earth...somehow...i got a feeling...it might not be as what i thought it would be...lol...

i know...i am weird...but well...that's how i am...not that i mind cz i memang dont like to be with the norm...just that...well...maybe because of that i tend to scare guys away...and i wonder at times...will i ever be able to find a boyfriend???not that i'm despo or what la...just that...i memang (if God's willing...)intend to get married and have kids of my own d...lol...but then...i dont even know who God has prepared for me... D': aiks...relationships...complicated things...i've already too many things to worry...cant let this kind of thing to affect me...lol...aih...but...feelings...cant help it...sometimes it feels good...other times...it is...sad...at least in my case...i wonder when they told me they like me...do they really mean it?cz i know i do with what i said...hmm...only God knows...lol...

4/2/10

2010-02-04T00:04:00.002+08:00

and then it's 2010...time flies...and still continue to fly...i always wonder when will time ever stops...when Jesus comes back??golly...and i'm still with this blog...though i post mostly in wordpress...guess i am not the type who abandons my old stuffs??(God knows that's not true...lol)

oh...i like writing btw...i really do...but the prob is...like i've mentioned it before...i'm never good in writing...ever...and besides...if i were to ever write it's better for me to 'blog' in my diary...cz my friends will always 'complain' to me that my post is too long to read...even i felt that way too...lol...(why am i always complaining bout the same thing??lol...=_=''')

anyway...since uni/college...i guess many things has changed...at least for the past one year i guess...i mean especially last year...talk about friendship probs, family probs, spiritual attacks etc etc etc...you name it...all happened just within one year...lol...i dont suppose anyone will experience that huh...i mean...everything just comes in a row...like a drama...and it makes me wonder...

i kinda post it in my fb...like...is it possible to make a drama out of reality when reality feels like a drama?i dont doubt so...or so i post there...but sincerely in my heart...i really am not surprise if this can be done...i mean..since life is like getting shorter and shorter as years flew by...and the end is coming...or at least that's how i felt and thought...why cant we humans try to bring some fun into our lives instead of the always same routine of getting up, wash up, head to wherever we're suppose to go, comes home, eat, sleep and continue the same routine over and over again?!!

i admit i'm never the type to do the same thing over and over again...i like to do different things...and i like to think different...and i like to act...though my chances of getting to act is always very limited...and so...yea...since drama cant have me...i'd like to bring drama into my life...i mean...yea...i'm different...and i'm not what a normal person would think i am...

sometimes i do wonder...what if...and i'm just saying what if...i'm really special?i mean as in really special...special than the normal kind special people...not to say i'm God or what...and not trying to discriminate the special people(if you know what i mean...)but i really wonder what if i AM special...like something great is waiting for me...i guess i'd be...wow~!!erm...i guess most of you are confuse now...nvm...let me try to explain...

alright...erm...i have to admit it myself actually...though it's a humiliation for the present me here...but i was a really smart genius when i was young...lol...and i mean really smart!!i was born earlier than expected actually...meaning...i was supposed to get out of mom's womb later than jan...and not jan...but thanks to big bro...who...accidentally knock mom while playing with her...i ended up being the january baby...and not the later one...or not...i guess i'll be joining sarah as the may babies...if possible though...heh... =P err...that was told by my mom though...and then...dad tld me that i started walking by myself when i was just 9months old!!imagine that...and that was confirm by my mom...that all of a sudden one day i just picked myself up and started walking...though of course not the proper one la...but at least is the kind where you dont need anybody to hold you...lol...

and oh yea...when i was like 4...i started to learn to understand what adults talk...lol...not the dirty ones la of course...lol...but yea...i can actually understand what my parents and relatives and their friends talk about...as in understand the meaning of it?i remembered i used to imitate that to my big bro...but he was so much more simpler than me...and i'd end up like a fool trying to do some dumb acts to a boy who's only understanding at that time was the abc songs and legos...not to mention power rangers and ultraman...lol...and...i really have to admit this...i was really quick to understand and absorb something...it's like...i'm kinda good at self-teaching...before the teacher finish teaching a certain topic...i'll understand the whole content already...lol...crazy right...and since i was alone in the hpuse most of the time last time i used to watch tv...and since most of the shows at that time were of different languages...i kinda pick up those language...example...i could speak spanish fluently last time...lol...not now though...how sad... D': and then when i was 5...i used to join the 6years olds for chinese classes...erm...even my mom used to tell me now...that she was very shocked at my ability to absorb something just within minutes if not seconds...she'll said i was always good at repairing things and solve probs on my own...she told me that even when i was just a baby...i would not cry even if my mom left me at a place alone unlike big bro who'd cry for my parents even when he's 6 already(i remember seeing him cry...that's why i said that...lol...)shows how soft my bro's heart is huh...hah... =) mom said i was just too independent that she sometimes thought is it really alright to leave me just like that...lol...though...truth to be told...that does not really apply to me...lol...i guess...i mean...to me at that time was this...in my thoughts:if mom leaves me at some place...surely she'll come and pick me up later...so why need to make such a big fuss over it?...and that's why i seem to be 'independent' in mom's eyes...lol...

okay...those...were just the physical part of me...or so i think...but there are things that are not known to many people...including my family about me...i can be considered as someone who's secretive yet not secretive at all...if someone would just ask...i guess i'm willing to tell that person about myself...if only they ask...but that...of course have to depend on who's asking...lol...i may or may not...tell the whole story...back to topic...err...yea...like i said...i am not what i am to many people...i am what i am to them is because that is what i want them to think and see of me...if i want a person to see me as a boring person...there you'll see that the certain person will describe me as someone boring...but if i want someone to think and see me as someone who can play around...there you'll get that...and that's me...no...i do not fake myself nor my personality cz fakers tend to be exposed one day and i am very well aware of that...i just dont show all my sides to everyone i see...that's all...every single one of the characters i showed to different people...are just small parts of the whole part of me...lol...

and yes...i started doing that since young...i kinda consider it my talent...and that's why i dare to admit...i am a good actress...oh btw...if you ever thought i am going to say more of what people might or...will not expect of me...then well...you'll only get disappointed...because i've said too much...i guess...and yea...you've know me enough to guess what else i can do...lol...not magic stuffs so there's no need to think so far...lol...and yes...all the personalities i showed to my friends...are genuine...unless it's someone i dislike or dont feel like having anything to do with...so no...i did not fake myself in front of them...though many thought so...hmm...that is why...i really really do wonder...if i am really someone special...lol...anyway...just one last sentence...

i am not what you think i am...

p/s:oh if you're wondering the reason why am i not as genius as before...well...the answer i guess would be...erm...God sealed the genius part of me...cz like mom told me...if i were too independent...i might not depend on God in the future...and God doesnt like it...and yea...i kinda think it's alright cz...at least i have God on my side... =D though i always thinks that it'll be great if i can still be as smart as before...lol...bye~

hmm

2009-12-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

i do wonder...who would actually still come back here to read my post?lol...anyway...it's just a for fun thing...nothing much...compare this with wordpress?i prefer the latter...lol...cz i just felt...man...this blog of mine...too complicated with too many wordings...lol...(what to do...the owner jere loves writing actually...lol...=.='')the wordpress is much more simplier...with mostly pics and less wordings...lol...

anyway...year end's like...so sosososososososoooooooooooo near?! times has evolve into some monster with a speed comparable with the speed of lighting man...lol...it's year end already... @.@!!! and i still remember when i first came in to BUCH...lol...meeting with wonderful people...creating unforgetable memories...man...i definitely am going to appreciate those memories...heh... =P

btw...i guess...the affected friendship between sam and i is slowly recovering??at least to me la...cz at least we can now talk to each other without feeling awkward....lol...though i guess...we can never be as close as we used to in the past...aih...what a waste...i used to talk to him bout lots of stuffs cz i can only really relate to him and jon without any worries and just be myself...now only left jon... =[ ....not to say i cant relate to the other youths la...it's just my prob...i have communication prob...lol...i tend to send out the wrong message though i meant another way...so..yea lo...now only left chloe, sarah, xian and jon whom i can really be open lo...

oh yea...i kinda felt...very hard for me to find or fall for guys huh...aih...i've to kinda stop already...must have self-control...cz...things has changed... =) alright...bye...heh =P

changed

2009-10-08T23:00:00.002+08:00

changed my blog to:

click here please

thank you...

will still be using here...

but not for blogging purposes though...

lol...

cz apparently there cant put cbox or shoutmix... D':

lol...

school??

2009-10-06T15:00:00.003+08:00

am currently stuck at uni/college with nothing to do...or so i thought...might have missed out some important stuffs..but...for once...i would like to just think that i've finished the things i'm supposed to finish and relax...lol...i'm still not use to being free... =.='''

cant leave uni/college cz later at 4.30pm have duty in the student council office...or so they called it...it's basically just a small room inside the student service department where since it's not used...so we just take it as our office...lol...is it the right choice for me to join the student council??hmm...am still wondering..lol...

a student...my friend...from the august intake...fell ill...food poisoning i suspected...and i kinda feel bad because i was the one who asked her and her other friends to have their branch at a restaurant just beside gasoline..it's a shop where they sell chinese food and pastries like the 'char siew bao' and 'dan tat'...lol...she was fine the whole day until she had 'contact' with the food there...or drink...pity her...vomited for like 3 times?!!felt bad...lol...apologised...but still...felt bad... :(

anyway...will be having a presentation this coming thursday...am scared cz it's marketing...and i dont know whether mine's alright or not...prayers are greatly appreciated...lol...

very cold here...thanks to the air-con...lol...i kinda wonder...how ungrateful we humans are...when we have something...we'll complain either too much or not enough...when we dont have something...we complain we dont have this and that...just like the air-con...when we dont have we complain very hot...want to die of heat...when we have air-con...we complain too cold...want to die of cold...lol...and then i realised...

no wonder la humans are king of excuses

can everyone say LOL??!

p/s: i know...i'm just being too lame...lol...

tiring hols~

2009-09-27T21:39:00.004+08:00

and there goes my one week hols...lol...i remembered my big bro use to tell my mom:

'if you ever see a michelle with nothing to do, that's not michelle.'

lol...actually quite true also la...i mean...come to think of it...i've not been like REALLY RESTING for like quite some time already...years maybe...lol...like example after spm...within three weeks without any REAL proper rest 'swoop~' here i am...studying the course i-strongly-believe-chosen-by-God...lol...and not just that...church...assignments...student council(though seriously i kinda feel bad for not been able to do anything for the sc...{ ' ^ ', })...family...looks as if there's nothing much to do huh...wait till you're in my shoes...it's like every single day there really is not much space for me to laze around...lol...

yeaterday the youths had an acticity...where we gathered at the i-called-it-th-youth-room room and so-called-''make lantern''...lol...basically since the mid-autumn festival is near...and the ''happy hour''(which means something like a gathering fellowship thingy...)is officially launched...and since i'm in charge of the whole thing...i kinda thought of like making lanterns and having a BBQ near outside church...but because somehow i dont know why...i just couldnt find the right source on how to make a lantern...so in the end...i decided let's just use a glass as the base and sort of 'make' it into a lantern...lol...

bad planning though...first of all...i know i've over budgeted(that...i've already anticipated...lol...)...then...i'm still so use to the do-things-alone habit...haih...i dont know why...but every time when i'm given a task to do somehow i felt i kinda took the whole responsibility onto myself and i'll end up planning and preparing the materials all alone...maybe i'm use to doing things alone??or maybe all i want is just to see the youths enjoying themselves without any need to do anything??or maybe i just dont know what to give the youths to do??lol...and because of that...very very bad planning...lol...but at least thank God...though some of the youths are clearly almost bored to death...most of them enjoyed the 'lantern making thingy'...lol...and when it comes to the BBQing...man...i tell you ...without calvin/kelvin(i dont know what's the spelling...but obviously it sounds the same...lol...)we can just say bye-bye to dinner...lol...they really did superb when it comes to bringing our the best in the coals...lol... :P

before that thanks to sarah yang...while we're trying hard to bring the coals on fire...she kinda had the youths do some stuffs to keep them occupied...thank God...@.@~~and when they're finally finished...tada~~~~fire is ready and food...ready to be cooked...lol...and everybody had their share...or so i hope...my mom actually came too...to see and half-support...lol... :D

was a bit discourage actually...cz felt as if i did not do a good job in the organizing wise...and missed a lot of things like the drinks...forgot that there's salad and did not prepare any fork or spoons...seeing some of the youths like dint really enjoy the art and craft thingy...dint thought of 'distributing' jobs to the others...forgot that i'm not alone...i know we learn through experience...but still...i do have certain expectations from and for myself...so...yea...if i'm given something to do...i want to do it properly...lol...but one thing comforts me...and that is to see the youths all(ok la...not all but 2/3 of them...)gather at the 'stove' and have their fellowship there...i mean...they were like turning the food here and there...spreading sauces and spreads(actually there's only BBQ sauce...butter and honey...lol...)and chatting and laughing...gives me a very warm and very family-like scene...a big family...

am very glad some youths who i did not expect to come came... :D no pics yet...but soon...i hope...lol...btw...the 'lanterns' made was voted by the church congregation...and well well...God always make things interesting doesnt HE...hah...the 'zi bei' group actually got 1st~!!congrates...lol... :)

and now i'm just wondering...if i were given a chance...how should i relax myself???

maybe i should just...

go to some beach and have a tan or two like the pic above...lol...

maybe sleeping by the pool's better...

but since i'm still 'P-less'...which is better??

get a relaxing machine...

or just find a spot on the couch and have my nap...

but i guess the best way and the laziest way to relax would be just

slumber on the sofa with a tv remote and some snacks or two and laze around like nobody's business...lol... :DD

oh how wonderful if i could ever do that...lol... :D

24/09/09

2009-09-24T23:30:00.004+08:00

我发现每当我在最最没有事情做的时候，我的头脑会特别的灵活...hmm...想的东西也特别多，尤其是关于上帝的骄傲制品-生命。lol...其实是人类啦，毕竟我发现其实上帝说创造的每样东西都具有生命的,好像宇宙啊，太阳啊，地球啊，大自然自己本身啊...全部都是有生命的哩...@.@（我刚刚才发现到lol...)但我觉得比起其他的生命哩人类是最复杂也是最简单的...人类的头脑里往往还蛮复杂却带有些纯真在里面...搞到有时我在想上帝的头脑会不会好像我们的头脑酱，还是比我们的更复杂?!!

讲到上帝呢，其实我并不是很清楚该怎样面对他，因为我看到一些人真的是敬拜他到他好像那种不能接近的神酱，惹到他就是死路一条...lol...然后我又看到一些人好想把他当成摇钱树酱，需要他的时候才找他，不是要的时候就算了，不管他了...我觉得我好像是属于第二种的哩...好惨 T_T

但我并没有说真的利用上帝哩，hmm...我又不会觉得他离我很远喔...我觉得他还蛮疼我的，虽然他没有一一的实现我的每个愿望，但至少我知道他从来都没有抛弃我而且不断的一直陪在我身边...又愿意陪我说话...又知道我的心事和心声...又每次在我最绝望的时候出现帮我，又每次在我伤心的时候安慰我，又每次和我讲关于人身道理（其实是他的道理...lol...)...而且他不只照顾我一个人哩...哗，我在想不知有多少个‘神’会酱子做...lol...

总之呢，上帝对我来说呢，是我生活中的全部吧，他是我的朋友，我上天的爸爸，我最需要的人吧，没有他啊，哼，我想我可以和这地球讲byebye了噜...哪有本事一个人生活的下去啊?!真的死路一条就有啦...lol...抱歉，我人就真的不相信幸不幸运咯...没办法啊，经历了那么多...虽然现在大多数的人都比较往向freethinker但我还是相信耶稣，因为我亲自体验过他的爱嘛...heh...所以，就到此结束吧，反正你不说我也觉得我的post很闷，都不懂我在讲什么...lol...

anyway...God Bless...got to zzZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzz already... :D ...bye~~

p/s:i kinda changed the songs in my blog...the previous one's kinda too noisy for me...guess some of you have the same feeling...lol...these ones are quite nice to me la...hah...do enjoy anyway... :)

Oh...Crab... =.='''

2009-09-22T21:57:00.005+08:00

it was a sunday...after service...

do click the picture for a clearer view...lol...

can everyone say LOL?!!!!

leaving?

2009-09-15T21:16:00.003+08:00

and today might be the last day of us seeing shaun...the so-called-G the guys named him...lol...gonna miss him...he's a good friend and a big bro to most of us...

so shaun...remember to come back...it'll only be fun when you're around...lol... :DD

God bless and enjoy your life there...see you in 9 months...lol... :)

sorry

2009-09-13T15:08:00.002+08:00

hmm...i guess...i kinda owe alex and ben an apology here...i was definitely upset yesterday and the day before...but come to think of it...i wasnt that good myself...so that gives me no right to say anyone...especially after yesterday with mom and today during the sermon and youth session...i know God's talking to me...telling me:''hey chill...everything's under control...dont worry...''...if God's not angry why should i right??

anyway...if any of them are reading this...just want to say...

sorry if any of you are offended.

:DD

nope...i still prefer to be me...and have my stand...especially when it comes to God...so...yup...that's it...lol... :DDD

pool??

2009-09-12T14:40:00.008+08:00

you know...everytime when i took a chinese book or read any chinese books...people around me including my friends will definitely ask me this

:"har?!mich you know how to read chinese one a?!!!!"

:''huh??yea...why???"

:''o...i thought you can speak but cant read chinese."

:"huh??why did you think so??''

:''oh...i dont know...you just dont seem like a person who knows chinese.''

:''...swt............''

lol...do i really look like some bananas???and then when i was like working part time at baskin robins i get similiar reactions like the following...

:''hello welcome to baskin robins*smile*''

:''喂，你觉得哪个口味最好吃哩??"

:"不知道哩..."

:"你们可以试吃，要不要试吃这个口味?"*choose a flavour for them*

:"..............."*stunt look and long stare*

:''...??yes??"

:"原来你会听华语的啊?"

one word-LOL...=.= ...anyway...actually intented to blog bout yesterday in chinese since...

1. i've never really blog in chinese except once.

2. just want to tell some people-never judge me by my cover...i'm no banana...only for cantonese then yes...i am a banana...lol...

but...well...since i do have some friends who...erm...cant really explain the reason...but for some reason...i've decided to blog in english...lol...

yesterday was alex's birthday...and well...we were all invited to richmond's house since he's staying with him...basically there werent anything to eat except some tit-bits and fried rice made by alex himslef cz the whole purpose of that so-called-party was just more to drinking and drinking and "party" and smoking...or so i thought...lol...=.='''...

the whole house inside was 'brighten' by the disco light thanks to richmond and the song...well...as anyone can expect...some boom boom clubing song...lol...i personally felt the songs were ok...some of them was cool and nice...the guests were mostly random...some BIG people invited and they actually came...lol...talk about networking...cool eh...some...alex and richmond's friend...some...people we know...and many more...lol...

to be honest...there's nothing much to be expected there...and personally...i was a bit disgusted and disappointed...it's not bout the drinking or smoking or music or dance or networking or whatsoever...i dont mind bout those...it's a party...do whatever they want but...

1. some of them call themselves a christian...they know they shouldnt get themselves drunk...no matter what reason...and well...some people end up coo coo...and you expect non-believers to accept Christ...talk bout how to win people for Christ some more...cheh...

2. alex invited the people...he did went around entertaining us...by getting himself drunk and doing some stupid moves...who did all the cleaning up and REALLY talking to people???the not-birthday-boy...richmond...=.=...seriously...though he has his weaknesses...but compare to some...i really felt that last night he's more self-controlled and really tried to control things as in not make things go disasterous...lol...

3. i pitied richmond's girlfriend...i dont know what happens between them and dont really want to know but during the whole party thingy she was like...sitting at a corner alone and not mixing around with a sad face...lol...and i heard something happened after that...no...not bad things dont worry...lol...

4. i hate it when some people says they dont believe someone is a christian unless they have a relationship with God...but they themselves go do things the other way round...talk bout REAL christians...pooh...stop giving me crabs man...the seaside already has a lot of them...are all so-called-ang-mou-langs the same?i mean...do they just simply go kiss some girl after just meeting with each other?!!that...i dont care...what disgust me most is...when ben went to church he and alex will be ''having a relationship with God'' after that...God knows what they're up to...come on man...if you really want to do all these things...stop telling me bout ''only a person who has a personal relationship with God is a christian" stupid crabs...if he really has a relationship with God...even stupid people KNOWS that he/she should not do things which displeases Him...and this case???you say you have a personal relationship with God???i so DOUBT it...cheh...

5. one thing to say to those people:

you dont call yourselves christians if you cant even differenciate the difference between the world and God...

seriously seeing all these i was like soooooo dying to go to the pool...heh...cz there got a pool... :D ...as in swimming pool...lol...thank God hein yew and wilfred and shaun came and we had a swim...lol... :D ...really felt disgusted with those scenes i saw that night...having fun is having fun...but there's always a limit...i remembered alex told me a few times before he wanted to quit smoking after He came to know Christ...i can understand that...but saying is one thing...doing...as everyone can guess...is another thing...i really am disappointed man...

anyway...it's more or less like that...went home quite late...almost two...no...i dont feel good to be back late...very tiring you know...wonder how those clubbing people can stand it...lol...so that's it...gtg...biaiii~~~~~

p/s:btw...the fowwing pics have nothing to do with the post above...just wanted to let some see how i spend my time in uni/college... :D enjoy...

nana and i... :D

yes...i terblingkan my phone...lol...

????

2009-09-08T22:59:00.003+08:00

man...how to enlarge my pic up there???after changing this skin to the err...usual one...i suppose...seems like i'm having some hard time trying to enlarge the pics...lol...

anyway...just blogging..for fun...lol...guess what...i've put on weight... =.=''' ...and not just a bit but A LOT!!!!!!haih...just when i'm trying hard to not enlarge my appetite...sad case sad case...i dont want to be fat... D': but in reality...i am FAT...as in SERIOUSLY FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!haih haih haih...and not only that...i've like TONS of stuffs i need to do...first of all...i have to deco my uni/college recreation room...and then...i have to go find gifts for prom...and then...i have to look for BBQ food for BBQ at church on the 26th...and then...i have to find some books or anything that can show and teach us humans how to make lantern kind of resource...and then..there's the ever-so-hateful-assignment...and that...have to pass up on the five week... D': ...and then...i'm tired...lol...

seriously...sometimes i do hope to really just laze around and not care bout anything...just rest...lol...but...oh well...when i have free time...i'd felt as if i'm just wasting my time and i just cant sit still...but when it comes to work...i'l soooooooo wish that there's hols coming around...lol...nutsy...lol...=.='''

i dont know why...but i kinda felt as if my way of blogging seems to like...changed???i mean when compare to my old old posts...yea...i kinda felt the way i blog has kinda changed...lol...oh well...as long as it's still me blogging who cares right...i'm me...cloud... :DD

PUTU PIRING~!! :DD

2009-09-02T23:26:00.002+08:00

do any of you love putu piring??it's a kind of dish made from coconut and gula melaka and some kind of flour...man...i just LOVEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee putu pirings...lol...i mean...i dare say it's one of my most favourite food ever!!!!(look...i know my english sounds very wrong...it sounds wrong to me too...but...oh well...i never said my english is good...lol...)

ahem ahem...wonder why am i so into putu piring??ngek ngek ngek...it's because...heh...i'm sure everyone knows that it's a puasa month(is it consider as month???)right??so when there's puasa...there's GOOD FOOD!!!!! :DD ...stalls will be set up and ahhHHHhhh~~~just thinking of it makes me drool...ok la...i admit the stalls are not as high class as those in the shopping centre...and they are stalls set up by muslims...or malays to be exact...but there's no law saying that chinese or indians cant eat malay food or vice versa right??and we all know that malay spicy food are chio...and their kuih muihs are yummy too...especially their PUTU PIRINGS!!!!muahahahahaha...

but too bad la...nowadays we can RARELY find any putu pirings on the street...according to mom it's a very ma fan kind of food to do...lol...let's see...it's been like...if not mistaken since secondary school i've not been tasting any putu pirings at all...lol...sad case right...but anyway...since my area here have more malays...so it's not unusual to see stalls beeing set up for their buka puasa...lol...and big bro and i went to the nearby stalls to see if we find anything worth eating as our dinner...lol...and we found PUTU PIRINGS!!!!!(yea yea...i know i've been repeating it for dont know how many N times bout it...but i'm just too excited already...lol... :P)so we bought like 30 pieces of it???lol...

anyway...just want to share my love for PUTU PIRINGs...lol... :D ...very lame i know...so...that's it...heh...biaiiii~~~~ :DD

AAaaaarrrRRRRrrrgggggggggggggGGGGGHHHhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

2009-09-01T16:15:00.003+08:00

great...and i spent almost 3 hours just to do my tutorial and NOW?!!!EVERYTHING'S GONE!!!!!!GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!no mood to redo again liao la now...haiyo.......haih...sad man sad...you know the meaning SAD?!!haih...

crab... =.=

DRAMA PICS!!!!

2009-09-01T00:43:00.012+08:00

oh good...finally i get to get the pics in the drama i was involved in ADORE...hmm...do enjoy... :D

and i present you...2/3 of the ADORE team~!! :D

when everything negative + Jesus what do we get???answer: HOPE :DD

erm...i like this... :D

and this... :D

lol...i dont know what i was doing......

you know...i dont know what's so nice bout these pics that the photographers have to keep taking it...lol..it's just a pastor praying for a repent mom... @.@???

and then the audience goes:''wuuUUUuuuuu~~~~~~''lol...

the regret mom...

looked like some sicko person...lol...

i was like:''oh hello mrs lian...oh nothing nothing...haha...just checkinh out my lates LG ice-cream phone.....'' *bitchy...lol*

3 days work?!!

2009-08-31T00:12:00.006+08:00

ahem ahem...it's been such long time since i last blog man...dint really get the chance to use the laptop or com...haih... D': it's like...i dont know whether i'm just too soft hearted or just too lazy to argue with my siblings...*i'd prefer the latter...lol* it's like...ok...exp:

me:sarah, can i use the com??

sis:har...i want to use le...i just used only...you go ask daniel let you use la...

me:...okay lo..*turn to lil bro*...daniel...can i use the laptop??

daniel:...har...but i want to use le...why every time i using you all sure ask me let you use one?!

me:...but i long time dint use liao le...

sis/dan:we all also la...we all only can use on weekends and hols le...let us use cannot meh??

me:...but...haiyo...suan liao la...i dont want to use already la!!!!!*storms off and gets her bath*

sis/daniel:..............

lol...sounds childish eh...but that's how we 4 siblings manage our relationship...lol...neh...still love them very much...just that sometimes i kinda felt that i might not be able to go through 50 years old with them *gek sam until die ah...lol* btw...had been working at BR since yesterday...heh...for 3 days...two days without hein yew and wong around...man...at first was kinda nervous cz...well...i was the only chinese there...and kinda expect to get some screwing up from the people there...but out to my surprise...hehehe...they're all such nice people...as in they really took good care of me...though out of ten(including me)nine of them were malays but they seem to be cool with me...lol...in fact they even asked me to teach them chinese and allow me to learn how to handle the cashier...lol... :D thank God eh...hmm...yup...thank God... :) ...if any of you are wondering why on earth am i killing myself working on weekends...well...cz BR was having 31% discounts from the 29th-31st august...and so...in order to get more cash...so work lo...lol...wanted to use the money to get a phone for my mom... :DD ( i know she doesnt know how to read blogs...that's why i dare put this up here...lol...but those who knows my mom...pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeee...i'm begging you...dont tell her...lol...SSSssshhhhHHhhhhhhhh...)

actually was supposed to meet up with chloe and sarah (fyi not my sis...lol...)but cz of some dont-know-how-to-explain-complications...i had to work and so just went for lunch with them...hahaha...had a good chat...we kinda chat bout almost everything...boys...girls...movies...people...mostly bout movies...scary movies...lol...especially now since both sarah and i had watched the ophan...man...somehow just cant help talking bout that show...lol...wonder how many people will start doubting orphanage kids after that show now...lol...yes...i do talk girl stuffs...though i know many will find it hard to even imagine me talking bout some lame girl stuffs...what to do...i'm still a girl...i cant help it...even if i ever did any sexual transmission...i dont think my this habit thingy would ever change...lol...no la...not that kind of typical girly la...just bout updating each of our lives...yes true we do have blogs and we do update them every now and then (yea right...sounds like one month once...lol...=.=''')but still there are some things which will be better if we do it using our God-given-mouth...lol... :P yes...i still love them...lol...sometimes i wonder what will i become if not because of them...first...without sarah...i dont think i'd be as open as i am now...i am crazy at times...but i dont do it in front of people except my fam...that's why when i was younger most people think of me as a freak who's always emo...lol...and without chloe...i dont think i'd learn to control my temper...cz she'd always there to advise me to have self-control...lol...and most of all..the credits still goes back to God...if it wasnt for Him...i dont think i'd be able to meet these two such beautiful friends... :D

talking bout friends...haih...i used to wonder will my friendship with all my friends ever last...cz among my so many friends...i guess i only manage to maintain my friendship with only 3 for more than 2 years... D': there's this friend...he's a guy la...how i hope our friendship can really last you know...see...we were friends for like 2 years+???we used to chat bout lots of stuffs...crabs...girls...boys...whatever...everything...he was like my only guy friend who knew the most things bout me and my life and hmm...i dare say i used to know bout his life too *note the word 'used to'...* ...we'd go out yam char...though our yam char were mostly in a err...more high class 'yam char place' lol... until when err...things got kinda complicated...i'm not the type who'd just go up and talk to people...so you can say i'm actually quite a cold person cz if i dont know what to talk to you or dont feel like talking to you or have nothing to talk to you...i'll just wont talk...and keep my mouth shut...as simple as that...lol...i wont take the initiative to go and talk to people...so can say among the gang there...the person i can relate most is him and another friend but too bad that another friend is not here anymore...but because of that...people started talking...giving conclusions of their own...it started out as a joke...and then it grew bigger...and in the end it's like the whole world knew bout something which doesnt exist at all...

at first he and i dint really take the so-called-joke seriously...i mean...come on man...the mouth's on other people's face...what can we do right if someone wants to say something bout us??but then as things grew more complicated...i kinda felt as if our friendship's affected too...first...i noticed he seems to talk less with me...then he started avoiding me...or so i think he is though he denied it...hmm...and when i talk to him...i can feel as if he's uncomfortable and wants to get away from me...and now...it's like he just totally stops talking to me...crab huh...hurt?of course i am hurt...hurt as in i cant believe that our friendship can just end because of this kind of thing...

you see i did asked him before if he ever feels uncomfortable with the rumours or if he feels like not talking to me..cz if he does feels that i'd prefer him to tell me so that i wont look so stupid and stubborn...cz i wont know and i'll still continue to find him and tell him stuffs...and then people will start saying stuffs again...seriously...i dont know whether he really cares what people says or not...cz though he said he doesnt mind...i seriously felt actually he cares...or not our friendship wont get affected...and when i kinda confronted him...as in told him how i felt bout our friendship...which was not long ago...i knew he'd say it's not bout the rumours...it's not bout me bla bla bla...just that he doesnt want our friendship to go up furthur...something like that...and i kinda felt so crab...cz...how on earth would i know if he doesnt tells me...and come on man...we were like soooooooooooooooooooooooooo impposible...cz

he's younger than me
i wont accept myself to fall for a guy younger than me
he cant accept himself falling for a girl older than him
we have too many similarities
we're like the magnets the 'U's and 'S's...only the opposite side will attach together...we're like on the same side...if you get what i mean
we're just too impossible

what makes me sad the most???him not treating me as his close friend anymore...we used to tell each other our secrets...now...even when i'm just trying to show my concern to him (cz he kinda has a low-self-esteem )...i felt as if he'll just say something and then shoo me aside...even when we see each other...somehow i just felt as if he just doesnt want to talk to me anymore...even a 'hi' is also like some gold...makes me dont feel like talking anymore...

i remembered when i went for a farewell steamboat for shaun with my uni/colledge mates i somehow got high...hein yew said i look as if i was happy...playing around and stuffs...a total different me...haih...i wish i could tell him...i couldnt help it...it's been such long time since i last remembered being REAL happy...hmm...how to say le...i felt as if my life's packed...overly packed with stuffs...church...youth...uni/colledge...activities...fam...so many times i wanted to cry...wanted to quite...wanted to just shout at the people to just stop giving me things to do...i am just going nuts here...just stop...wanted to tell someone...i'm not use to telling sarah and chloe nor xian...and if i'm not use to telling someone bout somehting...i just wont tell him/her...sometimes i felt like telling this friend of mine...but i know i've bothered him too much...especially now since he's like that...even his stuff he also wont tell me...what's the use of me kacaoing him if he's not treating me as a close friend anymore...how much more can i trust him right?haih...friends...they just comes and go...

that is why...til now...it's always hard for me to trust a friend...i may tell you something which sounds like a real secret...but knowing me...how much can you trust me...i dont know...i'm just tired of thinking what's wrong between our friendship...i just dont want to talk anymore...i dont want to care anymore...i'd rather just be a stranger to him...let him thinks whatever things he wants to think...i just cant go on anymore...friend or not...i really do appreciates our friendship before...if it can last of course i'd be glad...but seeing the situation now...i just dont feel...like talking anymore...i just dont want to talk anymore...that's it...no more for me...

THE END.

lalala~~~

2009-08-24T23:58:00.002+08:00

new semester has officially started and guess what??thank God the time table is more relaxing and not as stressful as last sem...waliao...oh yea...btw...i want to thank God too for helping me in my finals...at least i passed...hmm...not bad either my results...hmm...and also for the adore thingy...thank God again(yes...i do love my God... :D )cz at least things had gone smoothly...and the drama lightings were alright (really thank God for it man... @___@''')...there's just one thing i cant really understand...why when it's suppose to be a touching scene somehow the audience just cant help laughing...and when it's suppose to be a laughing scene the audience somehow just dont get it and...the atmosphere became so serious...man...humans...some complicated creation...lol...

had a chat with chloe just now through msn...man...missed her lots...i mean...i've known her like what...since form1 and i dare say she's one of the closest friend whom i can really talk things with...including all my not-so-secret-to-her-secrets...lol...gotta find a date and hang out again just like we used to with sarah (fyi...not my sis...lol...)... :D ...talking bout sarah...aih...miss her too...especially all her silly jokes and stuffs...somehow she's just so influencial...even i caught her ''influenced-flu''...lol...nice people...and yesterday xian came over to my place for some chats...lol...and i dint know that we can actually talked more than 3 hours...lol...actually i forgot hpw we became so close...lol...i only remember i used to go to her house and kacao her and that's when our friendship grew...knew her through teresa during form1...last time she was like a total banana...and now...a half-chinese-pro...lol...thank us xian...lol...just kidding la... :P

see??that's what true friends are...though are far-apart but still manage to maintain the friendship...hmm...hope my friendship with them could last as long till we die..lol...like mom and aunty sau fan and aunty helen(both these aunties were friends with my mom for more than 20 ears...lol...and aunty sau fan was in the same college *or same high school...hmm...if not mistaken* as mom and they were friends then...)i love my friends...i dont really have many true friends...but i know i do treassure every single drop of friendship i have with the people i know...including now... :DDD

randomness out of some randomness~lol... :DD

2009-08-20T00:24:00.006+08:00

just suddenly remember this song...ah~~~what memories it gives me... :)) ...it's a sad memory of course...but...kinda miss those feelings i had before...lol...do enjoy... :) btw...the translations are not from me...i just so happens to find it which unfortunately doesnt really fits in with the music...anyway...it's more or less the same meaning...lol... :)

思念是一种病

intro

当你在穿山越岭的另一边

When you are on the other side of the mountains and hills

我在孤独的路上没有尽头

 there’s no end to my lonely road

verse 1一辈子有多少的来不及

In a lifetime how many times are you too late发现已经失去

in discovering you’ve already lost 最重要的东西

what’s most important to you恍然大悟早已远去

Sudden realizations are long gone

为何总是在犯错之后

why is it only after making mistakes

才肯相信错的是自己

that you’re willing to believe that you are the one who was wrong

他们说这就是人生

They say that’s just life

试著体会试著忍住眼泪

you have to try and learn from experience, Try enduring falling tears

还是躲不开应该有的情绪

or you’ll hide yourself away from the feelings you should have

我不会奢求世界停止转动

I can’t plead with the world to stop turning

我知道逃避一点都没有用

I know avoidance isn’t useful at all

只是这段时间里尤其在夜里

It’s just that right now, especially at night

还是会想起难忘的事情

I’ll still think of things that are hard to forget

我想我的思念是一种病

I think my yearning is a kind of sickness

久久不能痊愈

for so long I haven’t been able to recover from it

chorus

当你在穿山越岭的另一边

When you are on the other side of the mountains and hills

我在孤独的路上没有尽头

there’s no end to my lonely road

时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸

I often think I feel you breathing behind my ears

却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息

but I’ve never felt the breath of your deepest thoughts

verse 2

汲汲营营

Frantically

忘记身边的人需要爱和关心

forgetting that the people beside us need love and concern

藉口总是拉远了距离

excuses always increase the distance between us

不知不觉无声无息

Unwittingly, unknowingly

我们总是在抱怨事与愿违

we’re always busy complaining and disobeying

却不愿意回头看看自己

yet we’re unwilling to look back and examine ourselves

想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情

Thinking of what foolish things we’ve actually done

也许是上帝给我一个试炼

perhaps it’s God testing me

只是这伤口需要花点时间

It’s just that this wound requires a bit of time

只是会想念过去的一切

it’s just that I yearn for everything that has passed

那些人事物会离我远去

Those people and things are far from me

而我们终究也会远离

and we eventually will also find distance

变成回忆

turned to memories
*chorus*

bridge oh 思念是一种病

Oh yearning is a kind of sickness oh

思念是一种病一种病

oh yearning is a kind of sickness, a kind of sickness

多久没有说我爱你

For how long have you not said I love you

多久没有拥抱你所爱的人

for how long have you not embraced the people you love

当这个世界不在那黱美好

When this world is no longer so lovely

只有爱可以让他更好

only love can make things better

我相信一切都来得及

I believe, it’s still not too late

别管那些纷纷扰扰

ignore those constant disruptions

别让不开心的事停下了脚步

Don’t make unhappy things stop your progress

就怕你不说就怕你不做

I’m just afraid you won’t speak, just afraid you won’t act

别让遗憾继续一切都来得及

Don’t let the regret continue, it’s still not too late

p/s: no...i do not miss my past...i just happen to miss the song...that's all...lol...

orientation day

2009-08-19T23:32:00.003+08:00

and so finally after two and a half weeks of hols (seriously i felt as if i've only one week of hols...T____T)...today was the day where i had to face my worst fear besides death...yes...even worse than heights or cockroaches or lizards or my finals or my results-people...freshmen...lol... =.='''

weird right why should i say my worst fear is people...cz to me...people are just so...unique and scary at some point...anyway...today had my orientation...err...not exactly MY orientation...just that had to go back to my uni/college to help out for the august intake's orientation...lol...and guess what?!after two semesters...finally our uni/college has some international students...let us all shout :''HIP HIP HOORAY~!!!!!''(lol..lame...=.='''...actually that hip hip thingy is just for fun...i myself basically cant think of any reason to be happy bout this thing except that we had 7 international students and some were...ahem ahem...)and among them all there was this canadian guy from the states (we know where canada is...=.=''')which was quite (i wont use the word 'cute'...)leng zai and OMG you should just see how almost-every-single-girls gone crazy over him...gosh...they tried sitting as near to him as possible la...gap him as much as they can la...talk to him as much as they can la...bla bla bla...it's like the whole school has just gone crazy...lol...

me??cheh...as for me i do admit that guy's really something la...i mean having the looks but that doesnt mean i should get so :''oh~~~oh~~~'' towards him ba...=.=''' i just felt it's stupid...i mean...i dont even know who he really is and how is his character like...pooh...if you would ask me to go :''oh~~oh~~'' i'd rather do it to somebody whom i know well man...sorry la...let's just say i'm no typical girl who'll just melts aways just because of a leng zai...gap zai is gap zai...going crazy is another thing and a bit overly exaggerate to me...so no thanks...crab...wonder how those girls do it man...girls...i think even though i'm a girl myself...i can never fully understand what a typical girl would put in her mind...lol...

anyway this batch of students are more serious compared to the last batch...and i kinda thank God i'm not really in charge of anything besides the measurement of uniform thingy which happens to be today which happens to end like hours ago just now...lol...no la...basically what i mean was things went well which is something i want to thank God bout...lol...but this batch memang quite solemn to me lo...like during games and all the april intakes actually were more enthusiastic than them...lol...and bout the international students?hmm..apparently i know there's one japanese mix with dont know what 'simbabui'(sorry la...i know my spelling's wrong so please do bare with me...lol...)girl...she's quite cute and pretty...not to say thin and tall...with long legs *guys go fuuuyeeee* and all...lol...thought if she knew how to make sushi can ask her to teach me...muahahahahaha...(oh gosh...another koo koo in the head...=.=''')

basically there's nothing much la today...just that it was great to see all my mates again... :) ...and after that went makan with alex, hein yew, erica and sandy at opposite klbc d road there(sorry la..i'm a road freak...so i really dont know what that road's call...lol...) where there's a lot of food stalls around...hmm...not bad the food...had dinner and chats...kinda sound like part of a uni student's life to me...i mean eats and chats...hmm... :D

anyway...tomorrow result will be coming out...am half freaking out...haih...really hope that i can pass all my subs...LORD, PLEASE HELP ME~!!!!! o(╯□╰)o

2009-08-16T00:38:00.002+08:00

*while attending a 3days 2nights khusus for ITPS student council representitives...written down in my diary*

Dear Diary,

i've decided to wake up at 5.45am...and i managed to be the first to use the bathroom...today's the last day...and i cant wait to be back home...will i miss this place??i dont think so...but i'll definitely rememebr the people i've met...now that we have their contacts and all...definitely will call then out when we have functions!!

i was right...most of them wont wake till like round 6.30am...am getting to talk more...but still quiet...among the others...not to say i cant...just some communication problem...lol...

hope the guys will wait for me...i dont know...i just felt safe when i'm with them...how i know them...i dont know...lol...